It takes courage to set boundaries. Especially boundaries around your family, your time and your energy. For years I’ve heard people talk about setting boundaries, and I’d agree but I never really implemented boundaries in my life. I’m not sure why, but I think I thought I didn’t have a need for boundaries. Like, I had it all together and was completely balanced and good.
Well, that changed just the other day as I was talking with my Coach Elayna. She’s coaching me through a very unique phase, and while I’m not sure all that we will tackle during this phase, I learned very quickly that I needed to set boundaries so that I can fulfill my life’s purpose.
Lately, I’ve been making a lot of changes, it seems that once I make one change the need for another is vastly approaching. And while I’m not opposed to change, I felt that if I were to get clear on a few things perhaps the need for change wouldn’t be often.
During my conversation with Elayna, boundaries came up and it hit me like a ton of bricks. My eyes got so big. I couldn’t even let her finish her thought before I burst out saying “Oh my goodness. That’s what God has been saying to me during my quiet time. I need to set boundaries.” A huge smile came across Elayna’s face as she continued to share with me how boundaries would make things clearer for me.
You see, before I had that Mary J. Blige “Love Without Limits” attitude when it came to boundaries. Do you know the song?
Baby, there’s no need to tell ya
As far as I can clearly recall
My love has been here for you
So you don’t have to worry at all
I’ll sacrifice my time
I’ll make sure you’re satisfied
And it’s no hard thing to the joy I bring
I want to give you all my love
Loving you
That’s all I want to do…..
I was always willing to give my all to everyone, and I sacrificed the time I needed for myself. Boundaries sounded so restrictive to me before. It was as if I was saying to myself that I couldn’t do something. Now I get it. Setting boundaries is like being free. Living free does not mean I do what I want, it means that I am free to live the complete life that Christ created me to live in the confines of His goodness and mercy. Setting boundaries gives me permission and freedom to focus on the things that I was created to do in this life.
I’m ready! I’m ready to fearlessly set boundaries so that I can truly live a life of purpose, in abundance and financially free. And I need you to be my accountability partner. Are you in? I hope so, by setting boundaries I am allowing myself:
- To take care of my own needs by saying no to things that does not serve my purpose.
- To have more freedom to focus on what’s important to me, like my health, family and future.
- Protect my physical and emotional space from distractions that can potentially take me off track.
- To be more creative in my writing, speaking and extracurricular activities.
- To teach people how to treat me…with respect and care.
I know now that having boundaries in life is critically important. Not only will it free you from the frustration you feel when you don’t take care of yourself, but it will teach people how to treat you.
For too long I’ve placed others’ needs above my own. I’ve agreed to help when I didn’t want too. I’ve said yes to projects because I did not want to be seen as selfish. I realize that I was only hurting myself. Being selfish is not a bad thing, especially when self can use a little love. We are to love our neighbors as ourselves; well, that means we love ourselves first. Setting boundaries means I am properly loving myself.
Perhaps you’ve struggled with setting boundaries. Or you may have set boundaries but not stuck to your guns with implementing them. Now is the time! If we are going to live our lives with purpose, on purpose then setting boundaries is absolutely essential.
What boundaries do you need to set in your life? What do you need to do to ensure that you stick to those boundaries that you’ve set? Let’s become a better version of ourselves together!
[latoyia]
P.S. For additional resources around setting boundaries please check out Elayna’s series “How to set Clear Firm Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty.”
This is fantastic advice, and definitely something we all tend to do. I think it stems from when we are kids, and wanting to please. Then it turns into wanting to please at work, our spouses and then our kids, because of course they come first…and they are the ones that test our boundaries the most, yeah?
I need to find myself a life coach after reading this. Thank you.
It’s been very helpful. Elayna Fernandez is amazing.
Yep I do admire the concept. Gotta look after number 1. That’s why aircraft safety videos say put your own oxygen mask on before fitting your kids.
Exactly! If we don’t take care of self, it’s hard to take care of others.
You are so right! Setting boundaries can be overlooked but it vital to our success as mothers and wives. I recently started setting aside some time for me and it has made be a better mother and wife.
Starting is key.
Hhhhmmmm….very well put, Latoya. You actually remind me of something…if we don’t learn to tame ourselves now, the world shall cage us, inside out”…. Thank you for sharing.
Good stuff…and so true. Thank you.
This is advice all moms need to hear and reminded of on a daily basis! Slowing down, enjoying life, prioritizing myself and my needs, saying no more often….all things I’ve been working on this year.
So true! All of those things are exactly what I’ve been learning to do as well. Keep up the great work.
After reading this, I need to get my life together. Like seriously.
I think we all need boundaries from the time we are born until our last breath. We must have that in our lives or we would live uncertain about everything.
True! Boundaries are so very necessary to habe a healthy life.
Setting boundaries is helpful to focus what is important in life and to stay on track too. Unfortunately, not many people consider setting boundaries as a good thing. Thinking needs to be changed at some point though.
Truth!
I agree boundaries are essential. I thankfully am not one that’s says yes to everything so I don’t have a problem there. I could use boundaries in the discipline of my distractions.
Yes, those distractions are something else.
I love the Mary J Blige song, I love a love without limits metaphorically but in real life it does need to be real life. Nice healthy love boundaries are important to make for lasting love.
Very true. I’m learning that boundaries make for a lasting life.
Boundaries are absolutely important for wellbeing. Each point you bring up is so true. I wish I had learned them in my twenties but it’s definitely helping me enjoy my 30s!
Me too…learning them in my twenties would have been a blessings.
Setting boundaries is really about defining who you are. Its the moment you distinguish yourself from everyone else. And it’s when you can completely be yourself.
As a personal finance enthusiast, I set financial boundaries for my family and expect them to be responsible with their money. One of the boundaries that I had set is to not go into consumer debt by carrying a balance on our credit cards. This had worked well for us as we were able to earn rewards without paying any interest at all.
I know a lot of my friends and myself often feel that saying “no” seems selfish. But looking out for our own well-being, physical and mental, is not selfish, but the prudent thing to do. What are we without our health?
Saying so does sometimes seem selfish. But I am learning that it is so necessary.
t’s just recently too that I’ve learned to set boundaries and say no to things that I don’t agree with. So far, I don’t have any regrets to those things that I said NO to.
I am positive that you don’t. Learning to say no when we need to is hard, but essential. Good for you!