We all feel like a failure at one point in our lives. It happens quite a lot with teenagers and young adults who feel the weight of the world on their shoulders. Not to mention adults who just don’t feel like they’re getting anywhere in life…especially now. I have talked with so many friends in the last week about depression and the feeling of failure. But how do you get out of that funk once you’re there? Here are my steps for how to deal with feeling like a failure.
Before you start to heal you need to understand why you feel like a failure. Our minds are wired for a time that no longer exists, when we had to work hard just to stay alive be that by hunting or farming. Each time you accomplished a task you were given a little hit of dopamine and you would accomplish something every day be it milking a cow or hunting a deer. But with our basic needs taken care of we aren’t getting those regular doses of dopamine anymore and when we don’t manage to do something, even something small…it hurts.
Value Who You Are, Not What You Do
To begin start thinking of yourself in terms of who you are, not the things you do. You are a mother you aren’t the list of chores that need to get done. You’re a follower of Christ, you aren’t someone who HAS to go to church every Sunday. It may be difficult to change the way you think about yourself, but one way you can do that is by keeping a journal with you and writing down every time you had those thoughts and why.
Reflect on Your True Self
Take some time each day to reflect on your true self and your values and the traits you feel are representative of the real you. When you imagine feeling them they will feel right. After you spend some time doing this consider how you feel about yourself, your real self. Make this part of your daily routine in the evenings.
Cultivate Compassionate Relationships
Great relationships are more than just skin deep. These are the people who you will listen to, who you know well and trust with your life. Sit down with them and ask them what they value about you. If you find that you’re rejecting what they say remind yourself that this really is how that person sees you. This may take repeated attempts for you to see any change and it will take time, but it’s something you should keep doing on a regular basis.
Turn Failure into Positivity
Every time you experience failure turn it into an opportunity to learn and grow. There is always something that you can learn and change for the next time. Where did things go wrong? What can you do differently next time?
Use Social Media Less
Keeping up with the Joneses has been a problem for as long as anyone can remember but it is worse than ever. The Joneses aren’t your neighbors or your coworkers anymore. Now they’re people you see on social media. Cut back on your use of social meda, or cut it out completely if you can while you battle your feelings. It will hinder your progress and make you continue to feel like you’re a failure.
Accomplish Something Each Day and Celebrate It
Try to accomplish something every day and celebrate it as a win. For some people simply getting out of bed in the morning is an accomplishment. Celebrate it with a little dance or telling a close friend or loved one how pleased you were to manage getting out of bed. You can even post about it on social media if you can resist the temptation to scroll. Celebrate those small wins and in no time you’ll feel more confident about your abilities. If you fail, dust yourself off and try again the next day.
Improve Your Sleeping and Eating Habits
Finally, to help yourself get past all of these feelings of worthlessness and failure it is important to get a good night’s sleep and eat some healthy food. Eating poorly and not getting enough sleep will leave your mind vulnerable to negative thoughts, just like your body and a cold. Both of these things are small wins that are totally deserving of celebration too!
Do you find yourself feeling like a failure? How do you overcome the feeling of failure? If this has helped you, please share how in the comments and if you know someone that should read it….share it!
LaToyia, The Motivated Mom