I think about my past mistakes, moments when I didn’t fit in, or the times when I felt rejected and those thoughts are taking up more of my energy than they should. These memories spark emotions that overwhelmingly shape my self-image and influence my insecure thoughts and behaviors. It’s true, I have feelings of insecurity. And lately it’s been more often than usual.
For me, my past is one of the main influences for my insecurities. When I was young my aunt told me that “I would never be anything.” While I am very proud of who I’ve become, I am still affected by those words. For example, I have been struggling with my business. I have so many ideas, but I don’t always think they will work for me. I am quick to offer support to others, but I don’t always trust my own advice and instinct. Deep down, it’s because of that seed that was sown years ago.
The factors that play a role in our insecurities are many. It could be child abuse and you can’t seem to feel whole because your innocence was stripped away by a pedophile. Maybe it was a cheating husband that made you feel like you aren’t enough. Perhaps its weight gain or you are still hanging on to your baby pooch and you don’t like how you look – at the end of the day it is real to you. And guess what? You’re not alone.
As moms, managing our insecurities are key so that we provide the best possible example for our children. Insecurity does not discriminate. Everyone has something that they are insecure about. Some are dealing with it more often than others, but insecurity is insecurity and if not handled properly can ruin your life. As moms, not only do we have our own insecurities to deal with, but we must help our children learn to deal with theirs. That’s why I want to share a few ideas with you about feeling insecure.
WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT FEELING INSECURE
Idea #1: Insecurities are mostly invisible. No one can see what you feel. Some people may notice that you’re nervous, but most time they are so consumed with their own insecurities they can’t see yours. For example, I get very nervous when I am about to speak in public the audience may not be able to tell. I am usually okay within 5 minutes of me talking, but I am very insecure initially.
Idea #2: You may not be perfect, but please know that you are pretty awesome! When you allow your insecurities to reign in your life, you are saying to God and to yourself that you aren’t enough…but you are. I used to let my past hold me back from my dreams. I began giving myself permission to be me in spite of my past.
Idea #3: An occasional insecurity does not mean that you are weak. It takes strength and courage to be insecure about something and do it anyway.
Idea #4: Know that all the things you feel aren’t real. Don’t let the fears in your mind hold you back. Some things are real, others are imaginary. Know the difference.
Idea #5: Insecurity can cause you to miss out on new experiences, opportunities, and memorable moments. Decide to discard negative thoughts, worry less, and live out loud. I’ll never forget the time when I was asked to speak for a group. I was so insecure about my weight that I turned it down. Later I felt horrible and realized that I missed out on 3 other opportunities because I let my insecurities rule.
We can overcome our insecurities, and we must. When I was younger, I never imagined how my mistakes would haunt me as an adult. If I would have known the importance of good credit as a youngster, I would have never ruined mine as a young adult. Once I learned the importance of my credit score, I lived in shame for years. I did not want people to know that I had bad credit. I was so fearful thinking that I would look bad if I was declined. I feared that it would hinder my ability to build a life with my husband…and in some ways, it did. In the early years of our marriage we paid higher interest rates for things, got declined for other things – it was a mess. It took years for me to rebuild my credit score. My husband encouraged my saying “we can do this,” “this is an easy fix.” What once caused me shame, I later overcame. It took time, hard work and dedication but I did it. We took control of our finances and budgeting first. Then we hired a company to help us rebuild our credit and get things back on track.
That’s how we handle insecurities. We counter them with voices of truth. In the book “So Long, Insecurity: You’ve Been a Bad Friend To Us,” Beth Moore writes “We’re going to have to let truth scream louder to our souls than the lies that have infected us.” I love her book and this quote, it’s true – you have let the truth saturate your insecurities to move forward.
Are you insecure hoping that no one notices your flaws, failures, or foolish behaviors? It’s time to make a better life for yourself, and that won’t happen by being insecure about who you are. It’s time to forgive yourself and walk in the freedom of being the perfectly imperfect best version of yourself. Share how you handle insecurities and share this post with those who may need it.